Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
