I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Randomize
