Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
