i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Randomize
