maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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