they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
