Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
