I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
