My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
