hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
