Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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