Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Randomize
