i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
