She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
