Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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