You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
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