wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
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