FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
