I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
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