Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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