used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
i drank out of a bidet.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
