He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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