Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Randomize
