Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
where am i from again
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
I love having hate sex.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
