explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
