I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
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