Me too!
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
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