help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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