holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
