Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
