I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
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