So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
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