You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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