sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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