the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
