And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
