So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
