Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
