its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Enjoy the penises
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
