If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
