Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Randomize
