Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Randomize
