I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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