I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
