He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
foreskin is a definite game changer
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
