If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
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