Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
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