I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
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