You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
