Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
