Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
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