I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
