i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
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